Current Beef: Fake Pockets

Hey Kids.

Current Beef: Fake Pockets

What’s up with that?  I own a pair of jeans with fake front pockets and it drives me insane!!!!  They look great on my bum so I keep ‘em around, but inevitably everytime I wear them I try to either A) put something in them and feel like an ASS for 15-30 seconds while I struggle to pry open sewed down slit or B) attempt to diffuse an awkward moment by hiding my “Ricky Bobby” hands somewhere secure… like my pants…and instead am demoted to fiddling with my handbag, or WORSE looping my thumb through a belt loop.  Nobody ever falls for that look, btw.  

Back pockets, while far less abrasive, can be just as bad.  Especially for guys who actually utilize the back pocket regularly for wallet storage.  That’s actually what pisses me off about it!  Sexist jeans makers.  What?  They think that just cause we’re chicks we won’t notice they stiffed us on the back pockets?  Okay maybe we wont, at least not right away. BUT when we do.  It’s usually at the MOST in oppurtune time.  Like when a hottie decides to discreetly slip his number to you while copping a feel at the same time.  No pocket, no number…or sexual harrasment.   

Man up fake pocket people.  Just admit that you don’t have the money or talent to construct pants with proper holes.  We can take it!  I don’t mind pants sans pockets.  I just don’t like being lied to.  It’s disrespectful.  And makes me sad.

BURRITO


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